A Men’s Group is Born
Mark K November 28th, 2006
My friend, Tucker and I were riding our mountain bikes up a fire road on Mt. Tamalpais last July when I asked him this question: “If you could organize a get-together with some guys that you would like to spend more time with, what would the activity be and who would you invite?”
Why did I ask that particular question? It’s probably for a couple of reasons. I had noticed that I was socializing with people who I had met through circumstances or proximity – families that I had met through my children, people I had met through our business, neighbors and so forth, and that this was enjoyable, yet I sometimes craved a connection with people who liked to delve into topics in a deeper way. I felt like I wasn’t cultivating my existing friendships that meant a lot to me and I wasn’t seeking connections with people who seemed like a good fit or were intriguing in some way.
I also noticed that women seemed to be much better at men at getting together with friends on a regular basis and talking about issues that were important to them.
My friend responded that he would like to continue his monthly poker game. I joked that he had the only Mensa poker night that I knew of – everyone that he invited seemed to be a genius except for me and I think I was there for the purpose of providing the coins for the winners. Actually, the poker night had been a lot of fun, with something more than the usual gambling-night banter, but I wanted to create something that was different from the typical poker, sports, drinking, hunting and fishing that men are most comfortable with.
By this time, we were approaching the steep part of the trail and I could barely speak. Eventually, I explained that I would like to get a group of guys together once a month for a discussion group. Since men sometimes have difficulty talking about things that are personal, I thought that we would need some materials to spark the conversation. It’s hard to find a group of guys who are avid readers, so we would use books, movies, articles, activities. There would be a theme each month and the members would be asked to do the reading and viewing ahead of time. The meeting would take place at my house, with food and drink to make it even more comfortable. The idea would not be to analyze or debate, so much as to see how the materials touch each of us personally.
Instead of whining and wondering, “Where are my people?” I thought that it was time to create something – a hub or magnet of energy and creativity that will draw others, a bit like the salons of Paris or literary communities in San Francisco such as The Grotto and 826 Valencia.
I didn’t have all of these ideas in place by the time we reached the top of the hill, but that was the day that the idea of the men’s group was born.
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