Is it possible to have too much empathy?
Mark K May 15th, 2009
Is it possible to have too much empathy?
Not long ago I ran into a woman walking down the street of my hometown, who I recognized from a local greeting card shop. She was dressed in black, as always, with layers of clothing from her extra-long sweater down to her peasant skirt and old-fashioned lace-up boots. She looked almost like a person in mourning, but more thoughtful than sad.
I remember once when I bought a sympathy card at the store where she worked. She looked at the card and then at me with an expression of grave concern and then told me that she was sorry about my loss. The card was for a friend of mine who had lost his father. I had never met the father, so even though I appreciated her concern, I felt that I wasn’t really a deserving recipient, being so far removed from the loss.
When I saw the woman in black walking down the street, it reminded me that I hadn’t seen her at the store for a long time. I wondered if perhaps she had such an abundance of empathy that she could no longer tolerate the extremes of emotion that she experienced as people purchased cards to celebrate, grieve or give thanks. Had someone complained that she was too personable, that she was too curious about why customers were buying cards?
I was reminded of the character from “The Secret Lives of Bees” who took on the sorrow of those around her. In order to cope with the pain, she build a miniature wailing wall in her back yard. Whenever she absorbed the sadness of those she loved, she would write about it and then rush outside where she folded the paper and stuffed into a crack between the rocks of her wall.
The card shop closed recently. Perhaps the lady in black has found another way to put her gift of empathy to use. Hopefully she has her own version of a wailing wall to protect her when the feelings get too intense.
